The Start of Bee-siness

I've always been the kind of person that throws themselves in at the deep end. What's the point of toe-dipping when you can give it all you've got straight off?

My business story starts with the ultimate cannon ball; getting knocked up in my first year of Uni. Heaving myself round campus with a huge baby belly probably wasn't the smartest move I have ever made but getting preggo gave me a clear focus for the future.

Thanks to the flexibility of my lecturers (who can say no to bringing a baby to sit in on discussions about poetry when they have melting-chocolate eyes and lashes that go on for miles), I achieved a 2:1 in my Creative Writing & Community Practice BA, popped out another sprog a month before graduating and ploughed straight on into an English and Media Studies Secondary PGCE.

It's a funny business, teaching. A constant love/hate rollercoaster of Government initiatives, emotional breakdowns in the stationary cupboard and school trips to the Harry Potter. Mostly, the love won over and I was in my element, on stage every day at the front of my classroom, inspiring even the most cynical students to perk up an ear and take note.

Words are my life blood. It borders on ridiculous how enthusiastic I can get explaining adverbs or idiolect. I can't even pick a favourite topic to teach because I genuinely believe each one is essential and exciting. The way we communicate ideas and the impact of the words we choose determines our future success. Why wouldn't I eager to make that difference in a student's life?

Getting ill wasn't in the plan.

I reached a point where I could barely keep my head above water. For someone who gives it all she's got, all the time, it's a crushing feeling when even your best isn't good enough. Something would have to give.

I've always been stubborn. Fibromyalgia might have made teaching impossible but it was not going to prevent me from being successful. I am the boss of me.

With the odds stacked against me, I set out to work for myself. Baby steps in networking, on my good days, quickly started to become strides and I found myself in the centre of the vast business network that is the Midlands.

It didn't take long to figure out that my way with words was in high demand. There are thousands of businesses with fancy websites, huge Twitter followings and high quality services . . . clever copy? Not so much. We can all write and most of us can do so fairly accurately. But 'accurate' doesn't engage. I've stood in front of hundreds of passive students, and made them sit up and listen. Why couldn't I do the same with potential clients?

On 1st September, I officially became self-employed as a copywriter, helping small businesses to improve their communication. I'm back in the baby pool, learning to take things a little slower, re-educating myself on how to manage my energy levels. But the armbands are off. I'm supporting myself, gaining clients, taking on new projects and getting involved in the local business community.

The last year has thrown a hell of a lot of stuff at me. Overcoming all the stumbling blocks has nudged me onto my new path as a freelancer, and I've come out the other side stronger and ready to take on the world again. Time to kick some business butt!

What's your business story?

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Diagnosis

It took me a good few goes to remember how to pronounce fi-bro-my-al-gia. I had to keep the leaflet on hand in case I needed to peep down and sound it out in my head. Considering around 2 million people in the UK have fibromyalgia, around 90% of them being women, it's odd that I had never heard it mentioned before.

The rheumatologist only took about fifteen minutes to diagnose me. A few questions, a quick look at my knees and she was hurrying me out of the door. I honestly didn't think that much of it. I didn't think an awkward sounding word on a piece of paper would change anything.

Six months on, my life has pretty much been turned upside down. I've had to stop teaching, I'm on a whole bunch of drugs. I'm not supposed to eat carbs any more which, frankly, is unreasonable. I can't get through most days without an afternoon nap and I have applied for a disability benefit. Because I have a disability. Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition (meaning it sucks and won't be going anywhere soon) and affects every day life. Everything, in every day life.

However, I am not one to go down without a fight. Being a busy, independent, little bee is one thing I will not compromise on. It might take me a while, but I fully intend to reclaim my life. Fibromyalgia is one of those 'medical grey areas' that hasn't had a whole lot of research and is a bit flimsy in terms of actual, professional advice. Lucky for us we live in the age of the Internet because there are lots of web tips from the fibro community about what changes to make to ease the symptoms.

Even a change you want to make can be scary. It's rare that I make it through the day without counting myself a failure in one way or another. 'Managing my energy levels' feels way more like being a lazy bum and a bad mum. It's hard to explain to a four year old why I can't take him to the park. Again. When I do try to be the active and energetic person I used to be, it can take days to recover.

My CPN said I need to learn my limits. Unfortunately, I've never been the kind of person to accept doing any less than my absolute best. Today's biggest struggle is convincing myself that I'm not a complete waste of space and that, however much fibromyalgia might now be a part of my life, I am not defined by a diagnosis.

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After the Rain

I'm addicted to fresh starts. New Year, school term, birthdays, new notepads, blank pages. Moving house a hundred times, Mondays, Spring cleans, starting again. Somehow I never lose the unfailing optimism that this time, I'll get it right.

This summer I've managed to go overboard. I left my husband, my job and my house. It's only taken me 24 years to realise that I'm never going to get everything right, no matter how hard I try (although it requires daily inner pep talks to remind myself of this) and I'm never going to be happy chasing after an ideal that doesn't exist.

My new life won't be perfect. Far from it, with two little monsters to keep tabs on, a business to run and a chronic illness to manage. It would be pretty bloody boring if it was! But it will be mine.

I'm hitting the refresh button one last time. Join me for the ride?

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